Sometimes, really upsetting things happen that make us, or our loved ones, feel unsafe. Traumatic experiences include violence, abuse, neglect, natural disasters, or accidents. These can happen once or many times.
Children and adolescents feel and react to these events in different ways. Not everyone who goes through something upsetting will feel it as trauma. But for some, even hearing about something bad that happened to someone they love can be traumatic. It’s normal to feel upset after these events, and most kids get better over time. But some may continue to feel long-lasting pain.
What is typical?
Experiencing a scary or upsetting event can affect children and teenagers, and it’s normal for them to feel scared or upset for a while. Here’s what you might expect to see:
- Immediately after the event. Children and teenagers might have tantrums, be moody, or revert to behaviours from when they were younger. They may not want to be away from caregivers or have trouble sleeping.
- Avoidance behaviours. They might avoid things that remind them of what happened, such as certain places, people, or activities.
- Emotional responses. They may experience flashbacks or nightmares and feel anxious, guilty, sad, angry, or ashamed.
Most children and teenagers naturally start to feel better with time. However, if they are still struggling a month or more after the event, they may need extra help and support.
For caregivers, it’s important to provide a supportive environment where children feel safe to express their feelings. Encourage open communication and let them know it’s okay to talk about their fears and worries. Be patient and understanding, as each child may process trauma differently.
When should I be concerned?
There are several signs that show a child may be experiencing persistent distress after a traumatic experience. These signs can vary, but are important to recognise:
Frequently remembering and feeling the experience again:
- Acting out the event during play: Your child may play in a way that repeats what happened.
- Unwanted thoughts or images: Your child might have bad pictures of the experience in their mind or think about it without meaning to.
- Nightmares or bad dreams: Your child may have bad dreams or nightmares about the experience.
- Feeling upset when reminded: Your child could feel scared or very afraid when something reminds them of the experience, and they might feel physical symptoms like a fast heartbeat, shaking, or stomach pain.
Avoiding reminders of the trauma:
- Avoidance behaviours: Your child may try not to think about the experience, avoid people, places, or things that remind them of it, and avoid talking about it.
Negative changes in mood or view of the world:
- Mood changes: Your child might have tantrums, moodiness, or mood swings and be easily annoyed or restless.
- Separation anxiety: Your child may have trouble being away from caregivers.
- Feelings of guilt or sadness: Your child might feel guilt, shame, anger, or sadness and think the world is dangerous.
- Loss of interest: Your child could lose interest in school or hobbies.
Anxiety symptoms:
- Increased fearfulness: Your child may be more fearful and have trouble concentrating.
- Sleep disturbances: Your child might have disturbed sleep.
- Startle response: Your child may get easily scared or jump when something makes a noise or moves suddenly.
- Hypervigilance: Your child might be very alert or watchful and feel scared or think they or their family might be in danger.
Recognising these signs can help caregivers seek the appropriate support for their child.
What can I do to help?
As a caregiver, being supportive and understanding is crucial when helping a child with persistent distress. Here are some things you can try:
- Help your child feel safe. Provide comfort through hugs, cuddles, or a gentle pat on the back. Physical reassurance can help your child feel secure and loved.
- Be there for your child. Spend quality time with them and listen to their feelings. Being present shows your child that you care and are there to support them.
- Acknowledge their feelings. Confirm what they say instead of dismissing their worries. Letting them know their feelings are valid helps build trust and understanding.
- Act calm. Stay calm and avoid sharing your own worries. Your calm demeanour can help your child feel more at ease and less anxious.
- Keep routines. Maintain the same daily schedule or include familiar activities. Routines provide a sense of stability and predictability, which can be comforting.
- Encourage fun activities. Let them do things they enjoy so that they can feel normal again. Engaging in enjoyable activities can distract from distress and promote positive emotions.
- Limit exposure to upsetting news. Keep kids from seeing or hearing too much about traumatic events. Reducing exposure to distressing information can help prevent additional anxiety.
These strategies can help create a supportive environment for your child as they navigate their feelings and experiences.
What professional support can I seek out?
If you’re worried about your child’s distress after a traumatic event, particularly if it seems to last a long time, there is help available.
Talk to your child’s paediatrician or family doctor. They can refer you to other specialists, such as mental health professionals.
Mental health professionals can help both the child and the caregivers. They can work with you to support your child at home and in therapy.
Public services are also available at your local clinic.
When looking for affordable services, it may also be helpful to explore local non-governmental organisations which offer services to families.
Local universities may offer services to the public as part of professional training programmes.
Please don’t give up if you don’t have success in your first attempts at getting help. Go back to the services listed above and look at our online list for additional resources or support. Your child is worth the effort.
Where to find more information
For detailed information on mental health conditions, visit our guides for health professionals.