“Worry” means having thoughts that make you feel nervous or scared about the future. Worrying is normal because it helps us be careful when things are new or different.
Usually, children and teenagers worry about things that are unlikely to happen. Kids might think there are monsters under their beds, but when we look, there are no monsters. They might worry about falling off their bikes, but if they use training wheels, they do not fall. Teens might worry about doing poorly on a school project, but if they prepare well, they usually do fine. Most worries do not come true in the way kids and teens fear.
As children get older, they usually worry less about the same things. This is because they have more experience to think about. Each experience helps them feel more comfortable about what might happen. Over time, the world feels less scary.
What is typical?
Different ages bring different worries, and children and adolescents worry about things that match their age and what they are going through. Here’s what you might expect to see at different ages:
- Around ages 5-6. Children worry about getting hurt, “bad people” who might harm them, imaginary things like ghosts or witches, and being alone or sleeping alone.
- Around ages 7-8. Children worry about being left alone and have concerns about death or real dangers.
- Around ages 9-12. Children worry about school performance, such as tests and exams, death and injuries, physical appearance, and making friends.
- Adolescents. Adolescents worry about physical appearance and image, fitting in and being accepted by friends, doing well in activities like sports or school, and thinking about the future, such as career choices or life goals.
When should I be concerned?
A child’s worries might be a problem if they happen often, are very strong, occur in many situations, and make it hard for the child to do everyday things. For example, a child might be too worried to go to school or see friends. It’s also a concern if they worry most days, many times a day.
Here’s what you might see if a child is struggling with excessive worry:
- Worries about lots of things: Grades, sports, tests, being on time.
- Feeling something bad will happen: A sense of dread or impending doom.
- Worrying too much: Even when there’s nothing to worry about.
- Physical tension: Feeling tense and finding it hard to relax.
- Physical symptoms: Stomach aches, headaches, sweating, feeling sick.
- Restlessness: Being fidgety or unable to sit still.
- Irritability: Getting upset or angry easily.
- Trouble focusing: Difficulty paying attention because of worries.
- Sleep problems: Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or feeling tired after waking up.
- Other signs: Not paying attention, having tantrums or mood swings, asking the same questions repeatedly, arguing often, avoiding normal situations, being very clingy, and complaining of pains before activities.
What can I do to help a child?
As a caregiver, you know your child best. Here are some things you can try:
- Talk to your child. Discuss their worries calmly and show them you want to understand their feelings. Ask open-ended questions to help them express what they are feeling and thinking.
- Listen to your child. Even if their worries seem silly to you, they are very real to them. Listen and try to see things from their view.
- Teach problem-solving. Help your child think about why they are worrying and find realistic ways to worry less. Encourage them to come up with solutions and try them out.
- Promote a healthy lifestyle. Eating well, exercising, and sleeping enough can help improve your child’s mood and reduce worry. Encourage regular physical activity and a balanced diet.
- Face the fear together. If possible, help your child face what they fear while you support them. For example, if they are worried about starting a new school, visit the school together before the first day.
- Create a worry box. Encourage your child to write down their worries and put them in a box. Set aside a specific time each day to talk about these worries together.
- Establish a routine. Having a predictable daily routine can help your child feel more secure and reduce anxiety. Include time for homework, play, and relaxation.
If these steps do not help, it might be time to get professional help.
What kind of professional support can I seek out?
It is normal for caregivers to feel concerned if their child has a lot of anxiety. If you are concerned about your child’s anxiety, there is help available.
There are several types of professionals you can speak with if you have concerns, including a school counsellor and your child’s paediatrician or family doctor. They can refer you to other specialists, such as mental health professionals. Mental health professionals work with children directly and can also work with caregivers so they can support their children better.
Public services are also available at your local clinic.
When looking for affordable services, it may also be helpful to explore local non-governmental organisations which offer services to families.
Local universities may offer services to the public as part of professional training programmes.
Please don’t give up if you don’t have success in your first attempts at getting help. Go back to the services listed above and look at our online list for additional resources or support. Your child is worth the effort.
Where to find more information
For detailed information on mental health conditions, visit our guides for health professionals.