We all act differently when things happen in our lives, and we handle our feelings in different ways. This is called our temperament. Some of us are very active and love talking to people and trying new things. These people are often called extroverts. Others are not as active, do not smile or laugh as much, and do not look for new experiences or interactions. These people are often called introverts or shy.
What is typical?
Shyness is normal. Many of us feel shy sometimes. Shy people take time to get used to new things.
- Meeting new people: You might feel shy when meeting new classmates, teachers, or talking to someone at a store.
- New situations: Shyness might make you hesitate at first, but it will not stop you from doing everyday things at school or outside.
- Everyday life: Even if you’re a little shy, you should still be able to talk to people at family events, school, and with friends.
When should I be concerned?
It’s important to pay attention if shyness stops you from talking to others or doing fun things. Excessive shyness is when you cannot warm up to people and stay quiet or distant. This can make it hard to learn and have friends.
- New situations: It’s normal to feel shy in a new school or social setting and not talk much at first. You should feel more comfortable within a few days or weeks. If you do not, you might have excessive shyness.
- Excessive shyness: This means you’re scared of many social situations and worry about what others think. It can be hard to:
- Speak in public
- Meet new people
- Talk on the phone
- Eat or read in front of others
- Talk to strangers
- Physical symptoms: You might also have headaches and stomach aches.
- Other signs: You might:
- Feel very worried or nervous around people.
- Avoid people because you’re worried or nervous.
- Feel very worried or nervous around teachers or other important people.
- Avoid talking to teachers or other important people.
- Get very worried when people watch you do things.
- Avoid situations where people watch you.
- Get very worried when you have to present or perform.
- Avoid situations where you have to present or perform.
- Worry about being made fun of.
- Worry about looking stupid.
- Feel a fast heartbeat, shaking, sweating, trouble breathing, or stomach pain when around people.
What can I do if I struggle?
Dealing with shyness can be hard. Here are some things you can try:
- Give yourself time: In new situations, watch what’s happening before jumping in. Start by saying hello and making eye contact. Try a short chat with one person.
- Positive interactions: Spend time with people you’re comfortable with. This helps you feel at ease.
- Role play: Practice social situations with someone you trust. Try greetings, eye contact, speaking confidently, and smiling.
- Celebrate progress: Give yourself credit for trying to overcome shyness.
- Do not avoid situations: Avoiding makes shyness worse. It teaches you that social situations are scary.
- Remember your strengths: Think about what makes you interesting and unique.
- Remember not everyone is looking at you: They’re probably not thinking about you at all.
What kind of professional support can I seek out?
If you feel embarrassed or bad about your shyness, help is available. Support and guidance can make a difference.
Reach out to a trusted adult, community-based organisation, or clinic who can refer you to a medical professional (doctor/nurse) or mental health practitioner.
Where to find more information
If you need additional help or information, talk to a trusted adult (like a caregiver, teacher or mentor), a counsellor, or a health professional. Reach out, stay connected, and ask for help. Remember that effective treatments for all mental health problems are available and you may need to talk to a number of different people before you get the help that you need.