Let’s face it, we all get a little angry sometimes. Maybe we’re tired, hungry, sad, upset, or just had a bad day. Sometimes, people can be grumpy for no reason at all.
What is typical?
Kids and teens get cross just like adults do. Anger is normal and usually goes away in less than 30 minutes. But if a child is angry a lot or their anger lasts a long time, it can ruin their fun and bother others. Kids also have fewer ways to deal with anger than adults, so their anger can upset everyone.
For example, we expect kids under age 5 to have tantrums. They might cry, yell, stomp, kick, or roll on the floor when they do not get what they want. This type of anger comes and goes quickly and is usually caused by something specific.
Older kids and teens will not have such big tantrums, but they still get angry. Teens often get cross with their parents because it feels safer at home. They may avoid getting angry with friends because they want to keep those friendships strong. Since parents control a lot in their lives, they are easy targets for teen anger.
When should I be concerned?
Irritability, or being easily angered, can mean different things. It might be a response to something bad like unfairness, abuse, or neglect. It could also be a sign of other problems like depression or anxiety. Sometimes, it’s a problem by itself.
You should worry about a child’s anger if:
- It makes them unhappy or disrupts their life and others’.
- They are often sad, anxious, or have low self-esteem.
- They have trouble sleeping, doing schoolwork, or have experienced trauma.
Anger in kids is a concern when:
- They are grumpy with friends or at school.
- Anger lasts a long time or happens often.
- They hurt others or break things during tantrums.
What can I do to help?
As a parent or caregiver, you know your child best. If your child seems unusually irritable, something might be wrong. Here are some steps to help:
- Talk to your child’s teacher. Find out if the anger issues happen at school and what has been done to help.
- Talk to your child. Ask simple questions to understand what’s bothering them. Listen before trying to solve their problems.
- Teach coping skills. Show them how to take deep breaths, find comfort in toys, or go to a safe place when upset.
- Avoid criticism and extreme punishments. These usually make anger worse. Most of the time, persistent irritability means something else is wrong.
- Ignore occasional anger. If the anger is not frequent, try ignoring it and praising good behaviour.
- Identify triggers. Find out what might trigger your child’s irritability, such as lack of impulse control or difficulty communicating needs.
- Help with calming. Teach them ways to calm themselves down.
What kind of professional support can be sought out?
It’s normal to feel worried, embarrassed, or guilty if your child is very angry. But help is available.
Talk to your child’s paediatrician or family doctor/nurse. They can refer you to other specialists, such as mental health professionals.
Mental health professionals can help both the child and the caregivers. They can work with you to support your child at home and in therapy.
Public services are also available at your local clinic.
When looking for affordable services, it may also be helpful to explore local non-governmental organisations which offer services to families.
Local universities may offer services to the public as part of professional training programmes.
Please don’t give up if you don’t have success in your first attempts at getting help. Go back to the services listed above and look at our online list for additional resources or support. Your child is worth the effort.
Where to find more information
For detailed information on mental health conditions, visit our guides for health professionals.