Feeling afraid to be away from a caregiver or someone close

Being away from a caregiver can be hard for some students. Young students often feel scared when their caregiver isn’t around. This feeling is called separation fear. The world is new and sometimes scary for them, so they rely on their caregivers to feel safe.

What is typical?

Almost all students from 6 months to 3 years old get clingy and cry if their caregivers leave, even for a little while. Babies do not understand time well, so they think their parent is gone forever if they walk out of the room. This fear usually ends by age 3. Young students might also:

• Have trouble being held by another adult when handed over by their caregiver.
• Have problems saying goodbye to a caregiver at school drop-off.

When should I be concerned?

Some fear of being apart from a caregiver is normal, even for older students, but they can usually separate with a little emotional support. Signs of too much separation fear include:

For younger students:

• Refusing to go to kindergarten or school to stay with a caregiver.
• Crying or having tantrums when a caregiver leaves the classroom or school.
• Clinging or crying in new situations.
• Having headaches, bellyaches, or vomiting when separating from caregivers.

For older students:

• Fearing something bad will happen to a family member while at school.
• Needing to know where caregivers are during the school day and needing to stay in touch by phone or text.
• Having frequent stomach aches, headaches, or other aches.
• Refusing to go to school, causing academic problems or social isolation.

What can I do to help?

1. Encourage quick goodbyes: Long goodbyes can make separation anxiety worse. A quick and reassuring goodbye is best.
2. Introduce separation gradually: Practice leaving the student for short periods, gradually increasing the time.
3. Have engaging activities ready: A fun activity can distract the student and help them feel more comfortable.
4. Give the student a special job: A classroom helper role can boost confidence and reduce anxiety.
5. Create a comforting routine: A predictable routine can help the student feel more secure.
6. Provide a safe space: Designate a quiet area in the classroom where the student can go if they feel overwhelmed.
7. Communicate with caregivers: Regular communication with caregivers is essential to coordinate support strategies.

Where to find more information

For detailed information on mental health conditions, visit our guides for health professionals.