Sometimes, you or your friends might find it hard to follow rules or might annoy others on purpose. It’s normal to feel angry or upset sometimes. But if these feelings happen a lot, it might be a sign that you need some help. You might feel angry or irritable often, and this can lead to not listening to adults or authority figures or bothering others on purpose. These actions can cause problems at home or school. Remember, these behaviours aren’t always on purpose. With the right support, you can learn to handle your feelings and actions better.
What is typical?
It’s normal for kids and teenagers to break rules or get upset sometimes. Younger kids usually follow rules more, but as you get older, you might test limits at home or school. This is just part of growing up. Even some aggressive actions are normal. For example, little kids might hit others when they’re upset because they want something right away. It’s also common for young kids to argue over small things on the playground. These behaviours usually don’t happen in other situations and are a normal part of growing up.
- By age 5. Kids might argue with parents or teachers sometimes.
- By age 8. Kids might challenge rules and authority figures more, like not doing chores right away.
- By age 12. Teenagers might question rules and want more independence.
When should I be concerned?
There are signs that show you might be having trouble following rules or getting along with others. These signs can be different based on your age.
- Being easily irritated: You might get upset over small things.
- Losing your temper quickly: You might have frequent outbursts of anger.
- Arguing with adults: You might often argue with parents, teachers, or other authority figures.
- Refusing to follow rules: You might ignore or break rules on purpose.
- Acting out verbally or physically: You might yell, hit others, or act aggressively.
- Not feeling sorry after causing trouble: You might not feel guilty or apologise for your actions.
- Blaming others for mistakes: You might not take responsibility for your actions.
- Annoying others on purpose: You might do things to bother or upset others intentionally.
- Feeling angry or irritable: You might often feel angry or hold onto anger for a long time.
What can I do if I struggle?
If you find yourself struggling with rule-breaking and aggressive behaviours, here are some things you can try:
- Talk to a trusted adult. Talk to a trusted adult and don’t be discouraged if you are not helped the first time.
- Understand your feelings. Pay attention to what makes you angry and how you feel before and after breaking rules.
- Know the consequences. Understanding what happens after you act out can help you make better choices.
- Avoid triggers. If you know what sets you off, try to stay away from those things.
- Practice problem-solving. Think of different ways to handle problems instead of getting aggressive.
- Take a time-out. If something makes you really angry, step away for a bit to calm down.
- Write down your thoughts. Keeping a journal can help you understand your feelings better.
What kind of professional support can I seek out?
Feeling embarrassed, inadequate, or guilty about rule-breaking and aggression is common. But there is help available.
Reach out to a trusted adult, community-based organisation, or clinic that can refer you to a medical professional (doctor/nurse) or mental health practitioner.
Where to find more information
If you need additional help or information, talk to a trusted adult (like a caregiver, teacher or mentor), a counsellor, or a health professional. Reach out, stay connected, and ask for help. Remember that effective treatments for all mental health problems are available and you may need to talk to a number of different people before you get the help that you need.