Peers play key roles in how children and teens grow socially and emotionally. Relationships with friends help kids learn important skills like working together and understanding others’ feelings. As kids get older and start to become more independent from their parents, they rely more on their friends for support. Having friends is a natural and important part of growing up. But just as positive friendships help kids, bad ones can cause a lot of stress.
When does typical teasing become bullying?
Most people know that teasing and awkward social moments are part of growing up and that almost everyone gets teased at some point. Learning to bounce back from these moments is a key skill. But being bullied is different and can have long-lasting emotional harm.
Teasing becomes bullying when:
- There is a power difference. Bullying is done by someone who has more power (like more strength, popularity, or money) over someone who has less.
- There is an intention to cause harm. Bullying can include physical attacks, verbal threats, spreading rumours, or leaving someone out on purpose.
- It is repeated. Bullying happens again and again, not just once.
- It causes harm. If teasing or meanness affects a child’s well-being or daily life, it’s bullying.
Kids do not usually bully because they are bad people. Some reasons kids might bully include:
- They want to fit in with friends who are bullying someone.
- They are getting bullied themselves at home or school.
- They want attention from others to feel important.
- They are impulsive and haven’t learned good ways to handle their impulses.
- They think others are mean to them, even if they are not.
- They do not understand how much their behaviour hurts others.
What is cyberbullying?
Bullying can be verbal or physical, and now it also happens online. Kids interact with their peers on the internet, and this includes both good and bad interactions. Cyberbullying is when someone uses the internet to bully others repeatedly. This can include intimidation, threats, humiliation, exclusion, or stalking.
Cyberbullies can target their victims through many platforms like Facebook, emails, and chat rooms. They can do this without being face-to-face and often use fake identities. This makes it easier for them to bully whenever and however they want, often in front of a larger audience.
When should I be concerned about a child’s bullying?
Sometimes kids who are bullied or who bully others do not ask for help. But there are signs parents can look for that might show a child is being bullied or is a bully. These signs are similar for cyberbullying.
Signs a child might be bullied or cyberbullied:
- Lost or damaged clothes, books, or belongings
- Unexplained cuts, bruises, or scratches
- Having few or no friends, or suddenly losing friends
- Being scared to go to school or making excuses not to go
- Frequent headaches, stomach aches, or faking illness
- Lower grades and loss of interest in school
- Sadness, anxiety, low self-esteem, irritability, or depression
- Trouble sleeping or frequent bad dreams
- Changes in eating habits, like loss of appetite or overeating
- Self-destructive behaviours like running away, self-harm, or talking about suicide
Signs a child might be bullying or cyberbullying others:
- Getting into fights
- Having friends who bully others
- Being overly aggressive
- Frequently sent to the principal’s office or detention
- Having extra money or new things without explanation
- Blaming others for their actions
- Worrying too much about reputation or popularity
What can I do to help a child with bullying?
Parents know their kids best. Talk to your child often about bullying so they feel comfortable opening up. If you think your child is either a victim of bullying or a bully, try these steps:
- Talk to your child. Ask simple questions to understand what’s happening. Do not solve the problem too quickly before understanding the full story.
- Be supportive. Let your child know you see something is wrong and you want to help.
After talking to your child, you could:
- Practice assertiveness. Help your child learn to stand up to bullies confidently but not aggressively. Practice what they could say.
- Find allies. Encourage your child to talk to their friends about handling bullying. Friends might have good ideas and make your child feel less alone.
- Get involved. Help your child join activities they enjoy and are good at, to boost their confidence.
- Talk to adults or teachers. With your child’s permission, ask their teachers or school staff to help out.
What kind of professional support can I seek out for a child with bullying?
Do not feel embarrassed or guilty if your child struggles with bullying. Help and advice are available.
There are several types of professionals you can speak with if you have concerns, including a school counsellor and your child’s paediatrician or family doctor. They can refer you to other specialists, such as mental health professionals.
Mental health professionals work with children directly and can also work with caregivers so they can support their children better.
Public services are also available at your local clinic.
When looking for affordable services, it may also be helpful to explore local non-governmental organisations which offer services to families.
Local universities may offer services to the public as part of professional training programmes.
Please don’t give up if you don’t have success in your first attempts at getting help. Go back to the services listed above and look at our online list for additional resources or support. Your child is worth the effort.
Where to find more information
For detailed information on mental health conditions, visit our guides for health professionals.