Sometimes, you or your friends might act in ways that hurt others or break rules. This can include being mean, damaging things, or not caring about how others feel. It’s more than just teasing or acting out of character. When these behaviours happen a lot and over a long time, it might be a sign of something more serious. Some children might hurt animals, lie, or steal without feeling bad about it. These actions can start with pushing or hitting others when you’re younger and might get worse as you grow older. It’s important to know that not everyone who acts out has a problem, but if these behaviours keep happening, it might be time to talk to someone who can help.
What is typical?
It’s normal for kids and teenagers to sometimes break rules or get into arguments. Younger kids usually follow rules more, but as you get older, you might challenge the rules at home or school. This is a part of growing up and learning about the world.
Some aggressive actions are also normal. For example, little kids might hit others when they’re upset because they want something right away. It’s also common for young kids to argue over toys or games. These behaviours usually happen in specific situations and don’t mean there’s a big problem.
As you grow, you learn to handle your feelings better and follow rules more often. It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them. If you or your friends are having trouble with these things, it’s important to talk about it and find ways to improve. Remember, everyone has moments when they act out of character, but learning to manage these feelings is a big part of growing up.
When should I be concerned?
Sometimes, aggressive behaviour can be a sign of something more serious. If you or someone you know is often threatening to hurt people or animals, starting fights, or using things like sticks or knives to scare others, it’s important to pay attention. Other signs include stealing, lying to get out of trouble, or damaging things on purpose.
If these actions happen a lot and affect daily life, like school or friendships, it might be time to talk to someone. Kids might act this way because they have trouble controlling their emotions, get frustrated easily, or are dealing with stress, like family changes or moving.
For older kids and teenagers:
- Skipping school or staying out late without permission: This can be a sign of avoiding problems or not caring about rules.
- Running away from home: Leaving home and not coming back until the next day or later is a serious sign.
- Touching others inappropriately: This is never okay and needs to be addressed right away.
What can I do if I struggle?
If you notice these behaviours in yourself or a friend, there are things you can do to help. Here are some ideas:
- Be a role model. Show good behaviour by staying calm and using a kind voice. Others will see how you act and might follow your example.
- Talk about your feelings. Share your feelings with someone you trust. Ask your friend how they feel and listen without judging.
- Stick to the rules. Follow rules and encourage your friends to do the same. It helps everyone know what to expect.
- Praise good behaviour. Notice when you or your friends do something good and say something nice about it. It feels good to be recognised.
- Find other ways to solve problems. Think of different ways to handle tough situations. Talk about these ideas with your friends.
- Avoid things that make you upset. If you know something makes you angry, try to stay away from it or find a way to deal with it calmly.
- Stay active. Do fun activities like sports or hobbies to keep busy and release energy in a positive way.
What kind of professional support can I seek out?
If you or a friend is having trouble with these behaviours, it’s okay to ask for help. Talk to a doctor or a trusted adult about your concerns. They can guide you to the right professionals who can help.
There are mental health professionals who can offer therapy and support. Schools often have counsellors who can talk with you and help you understand what’s going on.
Public services are also available at your local clinic.
When looking for affordable services, it may also be helpful to explore local non-governmental organisations which offer services to families.
Local universities may offer services to the public as part of professional training programmes.
Please don’t give up if you don’t have success in your first attempts at getting help. Go back to the services listed above and look at our online list for additional resources or support. Your mental health is worth the effort.
Where to find more information
If you need additional help or information, talk to a trusted adult (like a caregiver, teacher or mentor), a counsellor, or a health professional. Reach out, stay connected, and ask for help. Remember that effective treatments for all mental health problems are available and you may need to talk to a number of different people before you get the help that you need.