Some learners may show behaviours that are more than just acting out of character. They might be aggressive, damage things, or take things that aren’t theirs. They may also not seem to care about others’ feelings. These actions can be very upsetting for educators and others around them. It’s important to know that these behaviours are not just normal misbehaviour. They can be signs that the learner needs help. With the right support, learners can learn to manage their actions and emotions and understand how they affect others.
What is typical?
It’s normal for learners to sometimes break rules or get upset. Younger learners usually follow rules more, but older learners might challenge the rules at school. This is a part of growing up. Even some aggressive actions are normal. For example, young learners might hit others when they are upset because they want something right away. It’s also common for learners to argue over small things on the playground. These behaviours usually don’t happen in other situations and are a normal part of development.
- By age 3: Learners may start to test boundaries by saying “no” or refusing to share toys.
- Between ages 4 and 5: Learners might argue with siblings or friends but can be redirected with guidance from caregivers or educators
- By age 6: Learners begin to understand rules better and can follow them with reminders.
- Between ages 7 and 8: Learners may occasionally talk back to adults but usually understand the consequences of their actions.
- By age 9: Learners can follow rules at home and school, though they might still argue with peers.
- Between ages 10 and 12: Pre-teens may test limits more as they seek independence but can be reasoned with.
- By age 13 and 14: Teenagers might challenge authority but can understand and discuss rules and consequences.
When should I be concerned?
There are several signs that show a learner may be having difficulties with aggression or caring for others. These signs can be different based on the learner’s age.
- Threatening behaviour: The learner may threaten to harm people or animals.
- Physical aggression: The learner may start fights or use objects to hurt others.
- Damaging property: The learner may break things that belong to others or set fires.
- Stealing or lying: The learner may take things without permission or lie and manipulate others to get what they want.
- Lack of remorse: The learner may not feel guilty or apologise after hurting someone or breaking rules.
- Trouble with emotions: The learner may have difficulty controlling their feelings and get frustrated easily.
- Skipping school: The learner may skip classes, intentionally bunk school or stay out late without permission at home, which can lead to skipping school the next day
- Problems with relationships: The learner may have trouble getting along with family, classmates, educators and friends.
Sometimes, aggression happens without rule-breaking and should be checked out. Learners might be aggressive because they have trouble controlling their emotions, get frustrated easily, act without thinking, or are dealing with stress, like difficulties at home, for example, relocating, divorce, or abuse.
What can I do to help?
As an educator, remaining patient and supportive of a learner with these difficulties is key. Here are some things you can try:
- Be a role model. Show good behaviour by staying calm and using a soothing voice. Learners learn by observing the behaviour of educators, and therefore act in the same way.
- Create a structured environment. Establish a predictable and consistent routine and clear expectations for behaviour. This helps learners feel secure and understand what is expected of them.
- Talk about it. Ask your learner simple questions to identify and understand what’s bothering them. This can help them express their feelings and feel heard.
- Stick to the rules. Ensure that rules are clear and consistently enforced. Consistency helps learners understand boundaries and the importance of following them.
- Praise good behaviour. Recognise when your learner follows the rules or behaves as expected. Positive reinforcement encourages them to repeat good behaviour.
- Teach problem-solving. Help your learner find other ways to deal with problems. Encourage them to think of solutions and implement them.
- Use de-escalation techniques. Learn and apply techniques to calm learners during moments of heightened emotion. This can prevent situations from escalating further.
- Foster peer relationships. Encourage positive interactions and teamwork among learners. Building friendships can improve social skills and reduce feelings of isolation.
Managing learners who struggle with being aggressive, damaging or taking things that belong to others, or lack of care for others’ feelings can be challenging while also trying to manage a classroom. It is recommended to seek outside support from other school professionals, like the school counsellor or educational psychologist
Where to find more information
For detailed information on mental health conditions, visit our guides for health professionals.